Give Big Poppa A Little Smile...

Dear TV Networks,

Yes the economy is crumbling. And yes, people are getting laid off at the same rate pets get dropped off at the animal shelter a week after Christmas (LAUGH HERE) but let's focus on what I find important. 

And what I find important is abolishing the TV Laugh Track.

I get it if you're  a sitcom on CBS and the average age of your viewer is 67 and they are so hopped up on meds they need some guidance on when to laugh...(SMALL CHUCKLE HERE).

But if I wanted someone else's opinion on what the "funny parts" were,  I would invite 20 people into my house every time I watch TV (LAUGH HERE).  And fine, I get how old habits are hard to break so if you're not going to get rid of the laugh track,  I propose the following: 

Drama Tracks.

If someone finds a detached arm in C.S.I I want gasps and screams. If  someone back stabs one of the contestants on The Bachelorette I want a distant "Oh no she didn't" or even a "You're a fucking idiot" when someone gets the answer wrong on Wheel of Fortune. (EXTENDED LAUGH HERE)

I mean, if we don't know when we should laugh how can you be certain that we know when to cry, get angry or be scared?

Please help make us a more emotionally adept, feeling society. 

Thanks for your time, you butchers of culture.

(Although I do commend you for The Biggest Loser--you get people fat because all they do is sit on their asses watching TV then you make money off them when they lose weight. That's smart business.)

Love,

Me